Living together after divorce

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My wife and I have agreed in principle to getting a divorce. We hope that we can divorce amicably but there are some issues that need to be solved. One of the biggest issues is money. We bought a house a few years ago. Basically, my wife says, because there is not enough extra income, that after we sign the divorce papers it would be better for me to continue to live in the same house as her and my two sons! I'm not so sure about this as living with her is what I want to get away from and I'm wondering if I'm being used. In most situations I believe couples sell up and move on but I wonder if I don't agree to her idea will she refuse to agree to some other issues about the divorce that are important to me! Has anyone else heard of or experienced such an arrangement? Posted By:
Graham
06/09/2005
Order:
justin (3 posts)
13/09/2005 11:45:46
re: Living together after divorc...   profile
Graham,
I was in the same situation you were, i didnt buy a house though, she wanted to stay in the same house as me with her mother and our boys until i could give her enough money to find a place on her own. Well it didnt happen the way she agreed it would. I went through the same thing you are about to go through.
You need to be very careful about this situation. Both for you and your boys. I dont know if your wife is like my (hopefully) soon to be ex wife. But she might turn things around and try and use them against you and tell your boys you are trying to kick them out and put poison thoughts into their heads.
Does she talk to her mother a lot? I've found that mother-in-laws in Japan are pretty good at manipulating their daughters.
I dont know your whole situation so maybe it's just me being paranoid for you. Money is a big issue, hopefully you both can work out an arrangement for being with your boys. Mine said if i dont pay HER money (not for my boys, for HER) then I can't see our children.
It's hard man, and it's going to get harder before it gets any easier.
The best thing to do is remain calm but firm in your choices.
Graham (3 posts)
19/09/2005 03:08:19
re: Living together after divorc...   profile
Many thanks for your reply. It's good to know that I'm not alone. However, there have been some developments since I first wrote. I have told my wife that I cannot agree to living under the same roof as her after we get divorced to which she replied "Okay." But, get this! She now expects me to continue to pay off the loan on the house for the next 25 years or so even though I'm not living there! Common sense says we should sell the house and each get a chance to start afresh. She has even contacted a lawyer who is going to send me 'a letter' some time this week. Fortunately, I have some friends around me who are supportive and tell me to hang in there. It's not easy, but my advice to myself, and to other fathers with marital problems in this country, is DON'T BE A DOORMAT!
So, for now, I'll wait and see what her lawyer has to say and will go on from there.
crnjapan (26 posts)
13/11/2005 18:13:10
re: Living together after divorc...   profile
There is another guy I know in Japan who has a similar house related situation. Its been no end of problems because she wouldnt leave and the house is in her name even though he has and is the one paying for it. Hes been in court a year or two now. You really need to talk to him. Either join the mailing list www.crnjapan.com/ml and tell your story, or send me an email and Ill try to hook you up.

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FRIJ recommends you also visit crn japan, who are fighting international abduction to Japan and working to assure children in Japan of meaningful contact with both parents regardless of marital status